Rebooting your lifestyle in order to incorporate an old school way of life that will make your love life, marriage and parenting happier and much more rewarding.
Congratulations! You’ve made it past the Dating Years! You’re ready to take the next big step in your life and start a new chapter! Marriage!
You’ve found the perfect person you want to settle down and plant some roots with. The wedding has been planned and the invitations have been sent out. Flower arrangements have been selected and the wedding hall has been booked. Every detail has been planned out to the T. All that’s left is walking down the aisle and saying your “I do’s”.
In this next chapter, we’re going to discuss how incorporating an old school approach in your marriage will give you a more happy and rewarding marriage versus unfulfilling and stressful times. This next step in your life will be the first of many times that your relationship will be tested. So let’s find out how you can pass with flying colors every single time.
Remember how I mentioned in Part 1: The Dating Years that patience is absolutely critical and necessary? Well, guess what, the same thing goes for Marriage. If you took my advice in the dating years, you’ll have already established an emotional connection with your partner and took some time to really get to know each other before starting anything serious. Now it’s time to take things to an even deeper level.
A lot of people think they know their significant other inside and out before getting married. And maybe they do, but Marriage brings out so much more about somebody that wasn’t there before. Especially if you haven’t lived with that person yet. Even if you’ve already moved in together, marriage will still change things.
In a recent psychological study by the University of Georgia and the University of California, Lost Angeles, significant personality changes were discovered in 169 newlywed couples as early as 18 months into their marriage. Some of these changes included agreeing with each other a lot less, husbands becoming less social and more conscientious, and wives becoming less open and neurotic. (Not saying women are neurotic! Just quoting the study).
Marriage is a big step to take and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Yes, there is the option for divorce, however, you shouldn’t go into a marriage thinking that if things don’t work out, you can simply get divorced. It shouldn’t be an option. Marriage should be for the long hall. It’s a bond and a contract between two people that want to start a life and plant roots together and possibly start raising a family. We need to start thinking more about the future and less on the divorce security nets that dangle underneath married couples in case they can’t work it out. Much like they did in the good ol’ days when divorce was completely unheard of and not an option whatsoever.
So let’s dive right on in and find out how we can reboot old school marriages and incorporate them back into our modern day lives.
One of the biggest issues married couples face today is the loss of affection over time. After the honeymoon phase is over (usually after 18 months or so), couples tend to drift apart and things start becoming routine and flat out bland. This is also stated in the recent study mentioned before. So how do we prevent this from happening? Don’t stop dating!
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean the dating years should be over. On the contrary, it should be enhanced. Everything that was discussed in Part 1: The Dating Years should be carried over and incorporated into Marriage. The chapter to the Dating Years should never be closed completely. Keep the butterflies fluttering around in your stomach and continue going out with each other. Keep courting each other and surprise one another with little gifts. Stay romantic and go out every once and a while. Whether it’s out to dinner, the beach, the mall or even the park. Keep doing things together just like you did when you were dating. Try to sweep each other off your feet as much as possible.
Just like you established when you were dating, the Alpha and Omega roles within the Marriage should be respected and observed at all times. In order to keep things happy and fulfilling in one’s Marriage, it’s important to keep it all balanced with the Alpha and Omega relationship. What you once established before when dating, shouldn’t be changed whatsoever in Marriage. More importantly, it should be observed much more and enhanced now that you are Married. Everybody’s lifestyle is different, so I can’t tell you the exact duties in each role. I can only give you a general expectation of what the Alpha and Omega should be.
In the dating years, we established that the Alpha is the Leader and ultimate decision maker that is in charge of the financial obligations and responsibilities. The Alpha needs to step up once again as the leader of the household and provide financial comfort as well as protecting the household from any harm. This includes doing the hard labor that is required in physically protecting his family and putting a roof over their head. The Omega continues with their role of nurturing and supporting the Alpha.
Old school marriages depict the Alpha as the one to go off the work and bring home the money in order to build stability for the family. The Omega would be the one to stay home, take care of the house and provide warm meals for the family. With today’s rising number of Omega’s going to work just like the Alpha, old school marriage roles have become almost obsolete. Let’s not ignore the rise of unhappy and unsuccessful marriages either. Just because Modern times have done away with old traditions doesn’t make the new lifestyle any better. If I’m not mistaken, evolving from one thing to another should enhance things, not make things worse.
Alphas need to continue being the leaders and Omegas need to continue being their support system. Remember, it’s a team effort. So here’s the problem that most couples face these days. Who’s going to do the housework and cooking while both are working? Sorry to tell you Omega’s but these tasks would still fall onto you. However, that doesn’t mean the Alpha can’t help out. There has to be an optimal compromise that both the Alpha and Omega are willing to abide by if both of you choose or need to work. It could be arrangements where whoever gets home from work first starts dinner or meals are prepared in advance so that it can just be popped in the oven or on the stove and quickly cooked. Another option is to take turns throughout the week.
But what if the Alpha has no cooking skills whatsoever? Is the Omega in it alone? No, not necessarily. The Alpha can help out with small tasks that can assist the Omega with cooking such as prepping, mixing, chopping, etc. It could still be a team effort. Same goes with the housework. Any little thing the Alpha could do, such as making sure the dirty clothes get into the hamper and not all over the floor, would be a step the Omega wouldn’t have to take. Remember, both of you are going to be tired after work and the last thing anybody is going to want is to deal with daunting tasks throughout the week. So help each other out daily to make life a little less stressful around the house. It’s up to the both of you to take care of each other.
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory, but let’s go over it briefly anyway. If the Alpha is the only one going to work and is taking care of the financial obligations of the household, then the Omega needs to take charge of the housework and cooking. It’s the right and fair thing to do. If you want the luxury that the Alpha provides, then you need to do your share of the work and make sure the house is tidy and bellies are fed. It’s that simple. Nobody wants to come home to a dirty home and empty dinner table after a very long and stressful day at work. Sorry if that sounds too 1950’s for you, but it’s the truth. This isn’t about feminist opposition or misogynistic roles. It’s about both partners having a job to do to keep the household running smoothly and happily.
Nobody is telling you that you have to be absolutely perfect and make everything shiny every second of the day. Nor am I telling you that a home cooked meal has to be made every night. What I’m saying is that it’s your job to keep things around the house looking nice and make sure you are both fed. Whether it’s making a meal that can last a couple of days worth as leftovers or even doing take out, it’s still your responsibility to make sure it gets done.
Incorporating old school traditions into a marriage doesn’t have to be a lot of work. It’s not always about household chores or cooking wars. As a matter of fact, it’s really just the little things that make a huge difference in one’s relationship such as greeting each other every morning and anytime one comes home. The challenge here is making sure you condition yourself to keep up with these healthy daily habits that will ultimately lead you both down a much more pleasant marriage. So let’s take a look at some of the more important things that should be done without hesitation.
The simple act of sitting down at the dinner table and eating a meal together gives you both a chance to talk about your day and bond with each other. It opens the door to good communication. Also, when one finishes a meal while the other is still eating, stay at the table until both are done. Don’t leave your partner alone to finish. That’s just rude.
It’s always refreshing and uplifting to hear nice compliments from somebody, especially your significant other. It sets the mood throughout the day and provides a positive atmosphere for the household. Simple things like, “Your hair looks beautiful today.” can go a long way. Just like complimenting the Alpha on any handy work recently done can boost the ego in a healthy way.
Laughter truly is a natural high. When two people get lost in laughter, life just brightens up around them. Find little ways to always keep a light-hearted and happy tone around the house, whether it’s making each other giggle or burst into uncontrollable laughter.
This doesn’t have to be done all the time, however, keeping a nice appearance for each other can go a long way. Yes, your significant other will love you no matter what you look like, but it still doesn’t hurt to make an effort to look nice either. We all can get lazy and end up walking around with our hair a mess and in raggy old shirts and sweatpants. The point of dressing up is to show your other half that you still care enough to make yourself look nice.
While it’s nice to spend so much quality time with one another, giving each other some space also helps. This gives you both a chance to catch up on things that your partner doesn’t have any interest in. It’s actually vital for overall personal wellness. Hate to burst your bubble here, but couples don’t have to be interested in everything together. It’s okay to have different hobbies and interests. Additionally, spending some time apart gives you both the chance to miss each other.
The simple act of holding hands says a lot to one another. It’s a way to show each other that you are still thinking about them even when nothing is being said. When you’re in the car together, make an effort to hold hands on the center console. If you’re walking in the mall or anywhere else, take hold of each other and stay hand in hand. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be full hand on hand. Lock pinkies even!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read about couples losing interest in being intimate with each other after they’ve gotten married. Make the effort to continue loving each other physically. Doing this actually builds the bond between you two and boosts your overall morale. By slowing down intimacy, you’re giving your partner the impression that it’s just not good anymore. If that truly is the case, try spicing things up a little bit. You never know what new things you both may find that interests you.
Respect each other and don’t make fools of yourselves by making a scene in public. I hate watching couples fight in public. If you become angry with your partner, leave the arguing until you get home. This not only keeps you guys from looking like idiots in public, but it also gives you both a chance to truly think about what is making you angry and come up with logical solutions to discuss. Have you ever had an argument where you just didn’t say exactly what you wanted to say because of the heat of the moment? Then as soon as you walk away and had a moment to think, so many things came to mind that would have been a lot better.
Walk away from each other or just stop talking until you two can find a way to discuss things in private. The same thing goes for when you are fighting in private. Stop to think before you both say something you’re going to regret. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
Just because you’re married, don’t assume your partner loves you and vice versa. This doesn’t give you the green light to not tell each other “I Love You” anymore. Yes, you love each other, but remember to keep telling each other that! Some healthy reassurance goes a long way. Don’t ever stop telling each other how much you love them. It doesn’t take long to say three little words that mean so much to one another. Saying it in the morning when leaving to work or throughout the day via text and especially at night before going to bed.
I dated a guy once that was constantly on his phone every second of the day. Whether it was scrolling through social media, playing stupid games like candy crush or just reading stuff, he was always on it. I was starting to think the relationship was between him and his phone, not me. Obviously, that relationship didn’t last. I can’t stress enough how important it is to pay attention to each other. Get off your phones. The world won’t end just because you’re not touching your phone.
Make eye contact with one another and talk to each other. Especially if you’re out at a restaurant! It saddens me to see so many couples sitting at a table both with their noses in their phones instead of looking at each other and having a meaningful conversation. How boring are your lives that you find more interest in your phones than you do each other? Seriously, I repeat, pay attention to each other!
Marriage is a beautiful bond between two people who love each other with all their hearts. But just loving each other doesn’t always keep two people together until the end of time. Marriage is a full-time commitment and requires work on both parts. Incorporating these old school values and principles already puts you on track to a happy and healthy marriage.
Respect the roles that you’ve both established in the dating years and bring them into your marriage. Don’t stop dating each other and keep surprising one another with cute and unsuspecting gifts. Keep the romance alive and make daily healthy habits a part of your everyday routine. Have meals together, make each other laugh, dress up, say “I Love You”, and hold hands. Most importantly, pay attention to one another and never stop thinking about each other. Make one another a priority in your life and make sure you keep it a team effort. Don’t become one of the divorce statistics! Keep at it and start living you’re happily ever after!
I hope you’ve enjoyed Part 2: Tying the Knot in this three-part series.
Coming up within the next couple of days will be the conclusion to this series, Part 3: Surviving Parenthood. If you haven’t checked out the first part of this series, head on over to Part 1: The Dating Years to catch up now!
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