An Old School Approach to Love, Marriage and Parenting – Part 1: The Dating Years

Rebooting your lifestyle in order to incorporate an old school way of life that will make your love life, marriage and parenting happier and much more rewarding.

I recently came across a Twitter post that got me thinking and honestly, a little bit annoyed. A woman was complaining about the fact that she always ends up having to ask her husband if he could watch the kids while she goes out yet when the husband wants to go do something, he just goes and assumes his wife is going to take care of the kids. There were many responses stating that this must change and that men need to start stepping up to the plate and not automatically assume that the wife/mother will always be the one to take charge of the kids. Some other responses stated that this is due to the stereotypical “default” parenting and how it’s not a good thing. In other words, the world must change and men need to step back and allow the women to come in and take charge.

Look, I’m all for strong female leadership, however, I am a strong believer in certain roles and obligations in a relationship for both men and women in order to live a happy and productive life. Now before all the women come and bite my head off for saying that and make assumptions, allow me to explain.

Everybody’s life is different, however, this lifestyle approach is applicable in almost anybody’s situation. That’s the beauty of it. It starts in the dating years and goes all the way through marriage and parenting. It’s something you take with you throughout your whole life. We’ve all been at one or all of these points in our lives. The question here is, how are you managing them?

Have you found yourself desperately seeking love but can’t find Mr. or Mrs. Right anywhere you go? Are you in a dead end relationship hoping for marriage?  Is your Marriage unfulfilling and/or unhappy? Not sure if you’ll survive the crazy world of Parenting? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, please keep reading. If you’ve answered no, I still urge you to keep reading as it may help boost your relationship to an even better status.

Let’s look at each of these chapters in our lives and see how we can reboot them and make them much more fulfilling by incorporating an old school lifestyle. Hollywood’s not the only one that can attempt to reboot the Classics!

Over the next few days, I’ll be going over each Chapter in our lives in three different articles: The Dating Years, Tying the Knot, and Surviving Parenthood. Today, we’ll be discussing were the romance all begins.

Whether you’re currently single or dating somebody, it’s important to understand the rules and roles of dating. Nowadays, everybody is rushing into love and expecting a fairytale ending where they live happily ever after. What they don’t realize is that fairytale endings aren’t handed to everybody on a silver platter. It requires work, dedication, and patience. The key to this chapter in your life is patience. I cannot stress enough how this is absolutely critical and necessary!

Ladies pay close attention here. It is more than okay not to have sex on the first date! I repeat! You do NOT have to have sex on the first date to get the guy to like you. This is especially emphasized to young ladies. Those that wait to give it up so quickly will actually gain more respect. The more you put out, the less the respect. Don’t do something today that you’ll be ashamed of telling your children about someday. If you’re truly looking for a long term relationship that could possibly move on to the happily ever after, then respect yourselves from day one by being modest and patient. This brings me to my next point.

Since the beginning of time, men courted women before anything serious began. This meant that the man would pursue the woman he desired with intentions of marriage. It’s a period of time where two people begin to get to know each other without the pressure of having to get intimate so quickly. It’s the perfect way for two people to find out more about each other and see if they really do have any chemistry that will eventually turn into a beautiful relationship.

Today, we have social media and dating websites that bypass the courtship process. Did you know there are over 7,500 dating websites? That’s pretty scary. Two people meet online, decide to meet in person after some brief (very brief) online conversations then end up having sex on the first meet, find out that the person they were talking to is not what they expected whatsoever, or if they are lucky, they may actually find a nice person that they continue getting to know over time. The third outcome is not very common.  Let’s not ignore the scary outcomes of rape, kidnapping or even murder. They do happen and way too often!

Did you also know that the Online Dating industry’s Annual Revenue is $1.8 Billion? That’s insane! Imagine what all that money could have been used for instead of being wasted on dating sites. My point is, it’s time to get out of the world wide web and step back into the real world.

I understand that today’s lives are busy lives. Not many people have a chance to get out and meet somebody. Or if they do, they just aren’t meeting the right people. Every situation is different. Whatever way you are going about meeting new people, try to use courting practices. Even if you are using online dating methods. Although the men are usually the ones to initiate courting, these days, women can too. That’s why it’s modern day dating. Just don’t lose sight of old school courting practices. Be patient. Get to know the other person. Find out little things about one another that mean something. Don’t play games and just be honest. Surprise each other with flowers or little gifts. If you’re feeling pressure from somebody to rush things and get to the physical parts of dating, then reevaluate things. Somebody who truly wants to get to know the real you won’t push you to do anything you don’t want to do. Especially if you aren’t even in a real relationship yet. Remember, this is just the courting phase of dating.

Another thing I like about old school courting is the face to face time. Yes, I know, everybody pretty much texts or emails while dating, but it doesn’t have to take over the whole dating process. Get your noses out of your phones and do things face to face. If you can’t see each other due to work or other obligations, pick up the phone and call them. Leave cute and funny messages if they can’t answer. Smartphones are not just for Snapchat you know. They do make phone calls too. Lies via text are way too common and easy. Misunderstanding one another and taking things the wrong way is also another major issue with texting. It’s a lot harder to hide who you are by talking face to face or over the phone.

I’ve always had a fascination with the way people dressed in the good ol’ days versus what passes for fashion today. Specifically around the 1950s. Women had a sense of modesty which created mystery and imagination for the wandering eyes. They didn’t have to go around wearing tight outfits such as yoga pants and tight tank tops to make a man’s mouth water. They composed themselves with class and dignity. What was considered risque back then is laughed at today. Today’s outfits literally let you see everything. Sometimes more than we actually want to see.

I’m not telling you to go back and wear 50s attire, however, I am telling you that we should use their sense of modesty as an example. Give your date a chance to imagine what could possibly be hiding under there instead of showing it all off from the start. My grandmother used to always say, “Dress like a Prostitute, be treated like one.” And she’s absolutely right. The classier you dress, the more respect you’ll earn. This goes for both men and women. The only kind of people you are going to attract by wearing revealing clothing are people that are going to want only one thing from you then move on to the next. Ladies, start covering it up a little more. Men, please pull up your pants!

Since the beginning of time, Men were bred and taught to bring honor to their families by being chivalrous and acting like gentlemen. As time progresses, men are taught this simple act less and less. Likewise, women are destroying it by stomping all over it and taking it for granted.

I would like to clarify something here really quick for all the women that think chivalry is a way for men to overpower women and make them weak. That assumption couldn’t be further from the truth. Chivalry is certainly not dead and definitely not a way for men to take control of women. It is, however, lost. It’s being pushed aside by both men and women. And guess what, both men and women are to blame.

Chivalry is a sign of honor, respect, and courtesy dating back to medieval times. Knights used chivalry as a code of conduct. When a man opens the door for a woman, he’s not saying you aren’t capable of opening the door yourself, he’s saying you shouldn’t have to. It’s a sign that he was raised to have manners and respect others. Women that do not appreciate these small gestures are merely removing the desire of men to continue doing these acts. Then we wonder why men don’t feel like doing it anymore.

Time for another reboot! Women, let go of your pride and allow the Men to take care of the little things such as opening a door, putting a jacket on you when you’re cold, checking in on you to make sure you got home safe or bringing the car around for you when it’s raining. And don’t forget to show your appreciation for those small gestures. Show them that you too have class and manners by saying “Thank You.” None of these acts are meant to demean you. I promise! Men, step up to the plate and do your part as well to make sure your date feels special and taken care of. Even though we live in a world full of women demanding independence and empowerment, they all deep down inside still want to be treated like a lady, even if they don’t want to admit it. Don’t give up on women just yet!

Once you’ve passed the courting stage and decide to make things official with one another, you need to make sure that you continue making each other feel special on a daily basis. This isn’t only reserved for courting. This is the next stepping stone on the path to that happily ever after you’ve been dreaming about.

Make an effort to really get to know one another during this chapter of your lives on a deeper level. If this means beginning to get intimate, remember to not rush and enjoy every second. The longer you both wait, the more special it will feel the moment that time comes. Imagine finally getting to know somebody on a deeper emotional level and then experiencing sex for the first time with that person versus giving it up on the first date without knowing anything about each other. That emotional connection that you two created before doing anything intimate will be the glue that holds you two together for a very long time. This is why I said earlier that patience is the key to making this chapter of your lives truly work. Along with honesty, open communication, respect and understanding of what each other’s roles are in the relationship.

When I say you need to have an understanding of what each other’s roles are, I’m not telling you that you have to follow the stereotypical gender roles dating back from ancient years. What I’m saying is that there should be established roles for each of you that you both can live by and respect. This means rebooting old school gender roles. Living in a modern day society means a lot of things have changed. More men are staying home while the women go to work. There are also more same-sex relationships. No matter what your situation is, know that there must be a role that both of you play.

In every relationship, there’s an Alpha and Omega. There’s a reason why old school gender roles put Men as the leaders in a relationship where they protect their families, bring home the money, and provide stability whereas the women support their men, stay home to take care of the house and raise the children. Every relationship has to have a dominant and submissive role in order to keep the balance.

Today’s day in age, men are becoming more and more submissive while the women take over the Alpha role. If this arrangement works for you, then by all means, don’t change it. I’m not telling you that the Man has to be the Alpha. But there must be an Alpha, contrary to many arguments on the matter.

The Alpha’s Role: The Leader and ultimate decision maker. In charge of the financial obligations and responsibilities. Protects and takes care of the Omega at all times. Helps and works with the Omega throughout any problems.

The Omega’s Role: To support and nurture the Alpha. Take care of the Alpha when sick. Be the support system and a good listener. Help the Alpha with decision making but remember to support the Alpha with whatever decision is made.

Let’s get some things straight before you all start jumping to conclusions. Being an Alpha doesn’t mean that you have to be a heartless leader without regards to others.

Alphas need to be tough but understanding and loving at the same time. This is why the Alpha is the leader. A perfect example of a great Alpha is Mike Brady from the Brady Bunch. And being an Omega doesn’t mean you have to be weak. People think that being a submissive means you are weak and can’t think for yourself. Again, another misconstrued judgment. It just means that you acknowledge the stronger person in the relationship and respect the Alpha. Just because you’re an Omega doesn’t mean you can’t have opinions and a say in major decisions.

The Alpha and Omega work together to make wise choices that will be the foundation for their relationship. Again, a perfect example of this would be the Brady Bunch. Even though they’re a Hollywood family that doesn’t exist, there are many families with the same core values and principles.  Will it be a perfect bunch all the time? Of course not. There will always be bumps in the road that families will have to overcome. More on this topic will be discussed in Part 3: Surviving Parenthood.

Two Alphas can definitely be in a relationship. They are known as “Power Couples”, however, there will be many many strains and problems that will need to be taken care of before it destroys the relationship completely. Having two Alphas can cause division, competition and lots of frustration. If two Alphas truly know how to work together through this division, then bravo, my hat’s off to you. But, most people these days don’t know how to work through their problems in a civilized and respectable manner.

At the beginning of the relationship, both Alpha’s will agree to work together but when the time comes for a problem to be worked out and both Alpha’s have completely different opinions, you can bet that the relationship will take a major hit. They may work that one out but there will be other issues that slowly break down the relationship eventually tearing it completely apart. An Alpha will always want the be the leader. That’s why it’s an Alpha and that’s why there is the counterpart, the Omega. Even though the Alpha is the leader, they both see each other as equal all around because they both have an understanding and respect for the relationship and each other’s roles.

If the terms Alpha and Omega don’t work for you, try to think of your relationship as a business instead to get a better understanding of what your role is. There’s a President and Vice President. Same roles apply. Having two President’s is just not optimal. There needs to be a Vice President working together with the President to make things run smoothly. (Let’s not get Political here please).

At the end of the day, only you and your partner can decide what works best for your relationship. If you’re looking for that perfect partner, try to incorporate these old school reboots into your life. Let’s do a quick recap.

Remember to start your dating adventures by rebooting Courting practices and really get to know somebody before making any relationship decisions. Patience is your friend here! Compose yourself in a modest and respectable manner in order to receive the same respect in return. Always remember that physically revealing less reveals so much more about your character which in turn attracts more respectable prospects. Be sure to incorporate chivalrous acts into your daily habits with one another. Most importantly, establish each other’s roles once you’re ready to make things official and respect one another. Last but not least, enjoy each other to the fullest! You may just be looking into the eyes of the person you’ll be growing old and grey with.

I hope you’ve enjoyed Part 1: The Dating Years in this three-part series.

Head on over to Part 2: Tying the Knot if you enjoyed The Dating Years!
Part 3: Surviving Parenthood is currently in the works and will be out soon!  

Don’t forget to check me out and follow me on social media @TheTinkerBug, on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest. I always follow back!

Be sure to sign up to my newsletter to get notifications on my latest blog posts. 


Please follow and like:
error

14 thoughts on “An Old School Approach to Love, Marriage and Parenting – Part 1: The Dating Years

  1. I love this post. I remember the Twitter post that sparked your idea, I think I even liked it. 🤔 I do believe in the old-school way however. I just feel men should keep their kids and not consider it babysitting. This is a very touchy subject, everyone has an opinion. Congrats on having the guts to post it. I agree with so many aspects of this post. You have really given some great advice here. Glad I came across it. I’ll be waiting to read the next ones.

    1. Thanks! It’s definitely a very touchy subject and I debated long and hard on whether or not I should post it. The hubby warned me to expect hostility. But my gut said to just jump right in. I agree that men shouldn’t consider it babysitting. That’s 100% agreed. Won’t argue that whatsoever! That’s why I emphasize that it’s a team effort. Both parents need to have respect for each other. It can’t be one way or the other. I’m really glad you enjoyed it. I’m putting the final touches on Part 2 as we speak. 😉 I have so many new ideas flooding my mind that may interest you as well. Stay tuned! The fun has just begun!

      1. It’s usually best to go with your gut! Sometimes the touchy subjects are best. As long as you can accept the difference in opinion. I totally agree with you, it takes two, working together! Can’t wait for #2. 🙄 Second post that is! I’ll definitely be sticking around. Count me in.

  2. I love this! Although I’m a young millennial, I have always been a fan of old fashioned! And when I mean old fashion, I mean writing letters and occasionally singing songs and dancing. I’m really not interested in the way boys do things these days and honestly, I don’t blame them either! We’re just living in a different century. But oh, how I wish for the day when everyone could add in a little bit of old fashion dating back into today’s society. Thanks for sharing this wonderful post!

  3. Interesting perspective. I agree that incorporating some of the old school values definitely helps strengthen a relationship. There are definite gives and takes in any relationship. Regardless of roles, communication is definitely key. I work outside of the home as does my husband but he works nights. We both play integral roles in our household and caring for our children. Each of us understands that without the other, what we do would be very difficult and that gives us a lot of appreciation for one another.
    Nice post – Ill def be back to check out the next part in your series!
    – Morgan @ http://www.mommyaboveall.com

    1. I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Morgan! I am sooooo happy to hear that you have a great balance with your Husband. That is exactly what I’m talking about. It’s all about teamwork.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting! I hope you enjoy the rest of the series! Part 2 is already published and part 3 is currently in the works. 🙂

  4. Really enjoyed this post! I agree with you on old school roles – as long as both husband and wife pull their weight in their respective roles.

    1. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Yes, most definitely agreed! It’s all about teamwork.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting!

  5. This post is superb, as the french say! I will have to re-read it twice again to really absorb and reflect, because there are a lot of important messages here. The uncertainty and chaos in today’s dating scenario is a big part of why so many people are struggling with their wellbeing. It does make a difference to have a healthy start into a romantic relationship and the reality is that things are very, very messed up at the moment. Posts like this help educate us all about what’s really important and what we need to recover and innovate. It’s a tricky subject. Thank you for sharing!

  6. I really enjoyed this reading, and I love this kind of vintage approach in dating.
    I also agree on the fact that we shouldn’t want men and women to be equal in everything, because we still have many differences in our approaches and personalities.
    However, I’m not sure I agree with your Alpha and Omega theory. I think that in a relationship we have to be always a team, and that a true partnership doesn’t have to have that strong roles to work.
    Still, I don’t have to agree with everything to enjoy your writing!
    Go to part 2 now.
    (And big up to your grandmother!)

    1. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I’m glad you enjoyed it! Not everybody is going to agree which is the beauty of having our own opinions. So long as disagreeing parties can still be adults and respect the difference in opinions. I’m glad you still enjoyed it!

      The Alpha and Omega theory is not meant to figure out who’s better than the other nor make anybody weak. No matter what, teamwork is what it’s all about. As long as couples can learn how to work together, this world would be a MUCH better place!

      I hope you continue to enjoy my writing!! 😉

      Thanks!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

error

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)

%d bloggers like this: